I Survived
I survived April and May of 2013 when I didn’t think the storm would ever pass. Thank you God for getting me through when I didn’t think I was going to make it. Easily one of the hardest years of my life thus far, in my personal and academic life aside from losing Rob. I stuck to my guns even if it meant standing alone and fighting for what I believed was right, even if it pained me to do so - and it pained me to do so. It’s not easy. There were times when I wanted to give up and just crawl in my bed and sleep until it was all over but I forced myself to get up every day and face my demons head on.
There were times when I wanted to run up and hug you but I couldn’t and I still can’t. I recently heard some stories that proved that I made the right decision. You haven’t changed and that still hurts me. I’m sorry but I’m not sorry. I needed to prove I’m not one of the idiot girls under your spell even if it meant breaking the bond of our friendship. I’m not your exes or your girlfriend. I was supposed to be your best friend. You lied to me just like you lied to them and you are still lying and you have to live with that every day.
As for you, you haven’t “won” I think you’re a naive idiot. Your just as dumb as his exes and you deserve each other and that’s nothing I want to be apart of. You have no self respect. So continue to tell yourself whatever you’ve been telling yourself about me to make yourself feel better.
Tonight I breathe a sigh of relief that I never have to encounter either of you ever again. This is not out of hatred. I could never hate you and I don’t feel that hating anyone is healthy for the soul. I release you from my thoughts. I wish you the best.
Today I packed up my security room. The room I used to find great comfort upon entering. The room that made me feel relieved and happy to be home. The room that allowed me to shut out the world and hide. I no longer have that security blanket. I’m venturing out into the world and embracing what comes next. Thank you God. I couldn’t have done it without you.
Love always
Julie
Crave, 2006. Hand built porcelain, cone 6 glaze, 3 x 24 x 4 1/2”
Crave (detail).
(via iwasonceblind)
